I talked to my mother today, like I do almost everyday. She told me two things. One that she had had a vomiting and that my father in law was ill.
Well, I told her to drink fluids, eat well, rest well and not go out in the sun for too long. Then came back home told Ramu about my father in law and we called India.
Turns out my father in law has a UTI and had a raging 105F temperature when he finally relented and went to the doctor in the morning on Monday the 28th. So we tell my mother in law how to monitor this temperature using a thermometer, how he should drink more fluids and eat right.
WTH, it felt so fake saying those things both to my FIL and my mother. If we really cared we should be THERE, taking care of them. We make jokes about how they are not not 25 anymore. But do WE realize that they aren't 25 anymore? That may be they need taking care of , whether they admit it or not? I feel guilty. I feel selfish for wanting to stay here and have an easy life.
But the prospect of going to India is scary - the political system,, the social system, the medical facilities, the education system - everything feels restrictive and sub-standard.
These are people we care about, people we love and the only people who give a shit about us. It is very hard for them to leave there and settle here. We can't even sponsor my mom, and my fil doesn't want to be here, my mil is at best equivocal. We don't want to leave considering how growing up here would be so much better for Laasya and how staying here would help us retain our freedom.
But it feels horrible horrible when I think about how we need to be taking care of our families - feels like we are escapists only pretending to care about people who have sacrificed so much for us, like we are dropping them like hot potatoes, when it is their turn to be looked after - just because it is so much easier materially.
I want to take care of them. I want to hand my mom those fluids I asked her to take. I want to take my fil's temperature with a thermometer like we instructed my mil to do. I want to take them both to the doctor - give them their medication when it is time. I want to massage their feet when they hurt. I want to feed them. I want to do things for them, like I do them for my daughter - just like they did for me and Ramu.
Am I a better person because I feel guilt? I don't think so. Obviously I don't feel enough guilt or responsibility to make the leap. As long as my guilt/love doesn't translate into action, I am worse than children that just plain abandon their parents. At least they are not hypocrites - and they are at peace with their decision.
What do I do God? Please show me a way.
Well, I told her to drink fluids, eat well, rest well and not go out in the sun for too long. Then came back home told Ramu about my father in law and we called India.
Turns out my father in law has a UTI and had a raging 105F temperature when he finally relented and went to the doctor in the morning on Monday the 28th. So we tell my mother in law how to monitor this temperature using a thermometer, how he should drink more fluids and eat right.
WTH, it felt so fake saying those things both to my FIL and my mother. If we really cared we should be THERE, taking care of them. We make jokes about how they are not not 25 anymore. But do WE realize that they aren't 25 anymore? That may be they need taking care of , whether they admit it or not? I feel guilty. I feel selfish for wanting to stay here and have an easy life.
But the prospect of going to India is scary - the political system,, the social system, the medical facilities, the education system - everything feels restrictive and sub-standard.
These are people we care about, people we love and the only people who give a shit about us. It is very hard for them to leave there and settle here. We can't even sponsor my mom, and my fil doesn't want to be here, my mil is at best equivocal. We don't want to leave considering how growing up here would be so much better for Laasya and how staying here would help us retain our freedom.
But it feels horrible horrible when I think about how we need to be taking care of our families - feels like we are escapists only pretending to care about people who have sacrificed so much for us, like we are dropping them like hot potatoes, when it is their turn to be looked after - just because it is so much easier materially.
I want to take care of them. I want to hand my mom those fluids I asked her to take. I want to take my fil's temperature with a thermometer like we instructed my mil to do. I want to take them both to the doctor - give them their medication when it is time. I want to massage their feet when they hurt. I want to feed them. I want to do things for them, like I do them for my daughter - just like they did for me and Ramu.
Am I a better person because I feel guilt? I don't think so. Obviously I don't feel enough guilt or responsibility to make the leap. As long as my guilt/love doesn't translate into action, I am worse than children that just plain abandon their parents. At least they are not hypocrites - and they are at peace with their decision.
What do I do God? Please show me a way.
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